The Furniture Will Never Be The Same
by Audrey Lynne
Summary: Earth's Mightiest Women AU. Hawkeye and the Widowmaker challenge each other, while Antonia Stark watches - and worries for her belongings.


_ Yeah, I know – I should be working on a million other things – to be specific, the WIPs I have on this site. In my defense, however, I was working 60 hours this last week with a two-hour commute each way and...I pretty much did nothing but eat and sleep in between. But this particular short – which I'm hoping to film at Dragon*Con when we unite Earth's Mightiest Women for some cosplay fun – will not leave me alone, so I must get it out there. I will more than likely continue this AU once I finish the other stories I have out there._

_ AU: Earth's Mightiest Women, the genderbent version of the Avengers we know. (Note – this is based on ideas my friends and I have thrown around and so is not really related to any comic universe female versions of these characters. Some of the names were obvious; others I played with until I found something I liked.)_

_ Dedication – To Katniss, with love._

The Stark Tower was undergoing renovations, but everything below the seventieth floor was at least inhabitable. And, so, with none of the Avengers really having anyplace else to go, they had taken up semi-permanent residence. Antonia Stark had at first offered up her Malibu mansion as a temporary headquarters, but then it had occurred to her that in order to supervise the rebuild in New York, she'd have to leave the rest of her team unsupervised in her home. Even Jarvis had agreed it was a bad idea.

The ensuing shenanigans in the tower only confirmed that it was never a good idea to leave anyone associated with the Avengers unsupervised.

By week three, the team's resident assassins were getting restless for some action, and it had led to several sparring matches – both physical and verbal. The latest was in progress when Antonia wandered into the common room. She leaned against the doorway, watching with amusement as they went at it.

Nikolai Romanoff – aka the Widowmaker – put his hands on the table that separated him and his partner, leaning forward with a gleam in his eyes. "So admit it. You decided not to kill me because you realized you couldn't."

Caitlin Barton, better known to the world as Hawkeye, snorted in a distinctly unladylike fashion. "Riiiight. Because an explosive arrow through the skull is _so_ survivable. I had you exactly where I wanted you – many times over."

Nikolai's accent was a bit more pronounced as he scoffed. "That's what you _want_ to think. I knew you were there the entire time."

Caitlin rolled her eyes. "Is this going to turn into a whole 'me Tarzan, you Jane' gender superiority battle? Because if it is, I'm over that. It was bad enough, following you around in Vladivostok seven years ago, with all that crap. Just because my reproductive organs don't dangle in tantalizing locations..."

Nikolai's eyes dropped down to Caitlin's chest. "An argument could be made that they do."

Caitlin smiled dangerously. "Like what you see?"

"Either answer is likely to get me shot." Nikolai shrugged. "The safest move is not to play."

"Your safest move was not to look in the first place," Caitlin growled.

"Or you'll do what, exactly?" Nikolai challenged. "Shoot me with the bow you're not carrying?"

"Like that's my only weapon." Caitlin crossed her arms, posing a challenge.

Nikolai flashed his partner a cocky smile, waiting.

Lightning fast, Caitlin pulled a knife, stabbing it down into the table between Nikolai's fingers.

Nikolai snatched his hand back, looking impressed, as Antonia shrieked involuntarily, nearly dropping her drink.

Caitlin shrugged, looking at Antonia innocently. "What?"

It took Antonia a moment to find words. "_That_ is _mahogany,_ you psycho!"

Caitlin was unmoved. "So?"

Antonia rolled her eyes. "So, go easy on the décor. It's worth more than you make in a year."

Despite the warning, as Antonia retreated down the hall, she doubted any of her possessions were going to be safe again.


End file.
